


Steven Gets Stoned

by Poet_of_Sin



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poet_of_Sin/pseuds/Poet_of_Sin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven gives into Lar's peer pressure and begins to smoke weed. How will he keep this up, and keep his new interest hidden from the gems? And how will Pearl react when she catches him blazing it in chapter 2 lmao</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was another wonderful day in Beach City. Steven was peacefully strolling along the sidewalk, hanging with his fun group of friends, the local Cool Kids. They were always so hip and edgy, cool, and inclusive to Steven. Steven enjoyed their presence, but he wished Lars could enjoy it, too… but no matter what Lars tried, he was never able to seem cool to the Cool Kids. He’d always end up looking like a jerk to them. Steven was already happily anticipating Lars’ newest attempt at getting in with the clique, believing he may finally get in this time!  
                “Hey Buck, hey Jenny, hey Sour Cream. Hey, …Steven.” Lars said as he took a hit from his pipe.  
                Steven stared in awe as the contraption that was a mystery to him was lit up by Lars’ little pocket device, and by how Lars managed to blow smoke out of his mouth with it.  
                “Whoa, cool! That stick gives you fire breath!” Steven said enthusiastically.  
                “Well, not exactly, Steven,” Jenny said cautiously.   
                Lars laughed in response.  
                “Hey man,” Sour Cream said signaling out Lars, “The kids too young for that kinda stuff. Let’s not suck him into this kind of stuff. If he finds out about it at a later age and is willing to try maybe we could hook him up but for now this isn’t cool.”  
                “Yeah yeah,” Lars replied sarcastically, “but honestly when has anything about Steven ever been cool?”  
                “Hey!” Steven shouted.  
                “Dude, you’re kinda just being rude,” Buck said, “And that’s more uncool than anything.”  
                “Yeesh, you sound like a hippie… and _I’m_ the one blazing it right now,” Lars said.  
                “Blazing it?” Steven inquired. “I’ve heard about that! I’ve seen people talk about it on TV shows! And one time back when we had a computer at the temple, but the gems got rid of it when I came across some weird websites.”  
                “Steven, you’d be right at home blazing it since you constantly sound like you’re high with the shit you’re always saying,” Lars quipped.  
                “Hey, watch your mouth in front of him!” Jenny exclaimed.  
                “Yeah, Lars!” Steven chimed in, “Pearl doesn’t like it when I say or hear those words! Though sometimes when she doesn’t know I’m nearby I’ve heard her use some of them…”  
                “You mean the one with the long and ridiculously pointy nose?” Lars asked.  
                “Come on now,” Buck spoke up, “Don’t go making fun of his sister, err, aunt. Or mother. His family—don’t go around making fun of his family. That’s not cool. In fact; you’re not very cool yourself.”  
                “Hey, Lars is cool!” Steven testified. “He just has a hard time showing it in front of you guys.”  
                Lars kinda looked to the side awkwardly while grinning. He hated it when Steven stuck up for him in front of the cool kids, he thought it made him look so lame in front of them; having a weird kid have to stick up for him! He had to get in one final jab at him.  
                “So, you wanna take a hit, or not?” Lars asked as he held his pipe and lighter toward Steven.  
                “Sure!” Steven answered. He grabbed the pipe and lighter and held up the pipe’s end to his lips, then held up the lighter the same way he saw Lars do it. It took him a little while to successfully ignite the lighter, but once he did, he proceeded to hover it over the other end of the pipe.  
                The Cool Kids watched in surprise and uncertainty.  
                “Yo Steven, if you don’t wanna do this you don’t have to,” Sour Cream said.  
                “You’re sure you want to?” Buck asked.  
                Steven simply nodded reassuringly.  
                “Good, good,” Lars stated. “Now while it burns, you just gotta suck in! And hold it in for a while, then blow it out!”  
                Steven sucked in a gigantic hit, and held it in. He held his breath and his face started to turn red.  
                “Steven, breath!” Jenny cried.  
                Steven let a huge amount of smoke out of his mouth.  
                Everyone looked at Steven in surprise, anticipating his response.  
                “That was… great!” Steven shouted. “O-M-G, I felt a little burn in my throat and everything! It felt a little weird, but it felt so great, too! And blowing the smoke out made me feel so cool! I’ve never felt anything like that before, I wanna try again!”  
                “Uh oh,” all three of the Cool Kids uttered in unison.  
                Lars was surprised that Steven actually did it. He actually thought Steven was kinda cool now, so he was ready to give him an offer.  
                “Hey Steven,” Lars spoke, “Want to borrow my pipe and a few bowl’s worth? Normally I’d make you pay, but I want you to have a good free trial upfront.”  
                “Would I ever!” Steven declared. “I would love that! In fact, I can buy some too! Pearl just lent me $150! I’ll buy many bowls!”  
                “Um, Steven… are you sure you want to spend _all_ your money on weed? I mean, you just got into it, so this might not be the best investment for you,” Jenny reasoned.  
                Steven hummed. “Okay, how about just $100 instead?”  
                “Take all my bags,” Lars said excitedly. He emptied his pockets, all his bags of marijuana falling out. He kicked them all toward Steven as he took the money from the boy’s hand.  
                “Sweet! I just got into weed and I already have so much!” Steven cheered.  
                Lars walked away happily, stuffing the money into his pockets and joyfully laughing.  
                The Cool Kids all looked at Steven, feeling a little bad. He was a bit young to get into drugs, and a little too innocent.  
                “Hey, whatever you do…” Sour Cream said, “Don’t let your caretakers see you smoking that stuff. They might get mad.”  
                “Oh,” Steven stated softly. “I guess I’ll be careful then.”  
                “You should be,” Jenny insisted. “Hide your bags anywhere they shouldn’t be able to see them, and be sure to only smoke whenever they’re not around!”  
                “Noted,” Steven stated.  
                “And you might want some of this,” Jenny continued, handing Steven a bottle of perfume, “Use this to get rid of the smell the weed will make.”  
                “Thank you!” Steven said happily.  
                “Don’t mention it,” Sour Cream said. “If you ever need any help with this stuff, just come to us.”  
                Steven smiled happily. “Thanks Guys, you’re all so supportive and cool to me… and even Lars was today!”  
                “Ehh, I guess he was, somewhat…” Buck muttered.  
                “There’s nothing wrong with smoking weed, Steven,” Jenny said. “Just be careful though, while you can’t become physically dependent on it you can begin to rely on it. And being high isn’t for everyone, so if you don’t like it when you get high, you don’t have to do anymore.”  
                “Being high?” Steven questioned.  
                “When you’ve taken enough hits you might get high. If you do too much, you might start seeing things that are… funny,” Buck explained.  
                “I’ve been seeing funny things ever since I took my first hit!” Steven said cheerfully.  
                All three of the Cool Kids were surprised, they huddled up to talk.  
                “How is he high from only one hit?” Buck asked.  
                “Well, it is his first time…” Jenny suggested.  
                “Lars must have some really good stuff…” Sour Cream thought aloud.  
                Steven felt kind of bad being left out of the conversation, but he knew they probably weren’t saying anything rude about him. Plus, he had to leave now anyway, it was about time to get back to the temple.  
                “I had a fun time with you guys today, but I have to go back home! See you guys again soon!” Steven said, as he begun to run off.  
                “You too, Steven! Again, if you need anything or need to know something about weed, just come to us,” Jenny said.            
                “Thanks you guys! And I hope your car gets fixed soon, Jenny! Then we can all drive around again!” Steven cheerfully called as he ran further into the distance.  
               


	2. Steven Gets Caught!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl catches Steven getting DANK in the temple!

                Steven leaned against the ground, reaching under his bed. He eventually grabbed and pulled something out; a small box with a lock on it. He took a key he had hidden in his hair and used it to unlock the lock, opening it to reveal his marijuana stash.  
                Ever since Steven had smoked weed that one day due to Lars’ urging, Steven had fallen in love. He bought huge amounts of weed. As soon as Steven ever got his hands on money, he’d excitedly run off to go spend it on more weed. He had all kinds of wonderful dealers in Beach City! There was Lars, all three of the Cool Kids, Vidalia, Peedee, and sometimes even Malachite would come out of the ocean whenever nobody was around just to sell Steven some dank marijuana!  
                Steven eyed his surroundings. The temple was completely void of people (or gems) save for Steven himself. He stared at the warp pad, feeling anxious.  
                The Gems. The gems had just left to go deal with something they decided not to tell Steven about. They said they’d be gone for a while, yet even so Steven felt troubled. He didn’t want them to return in the middle of a hit and see him smoking pot.  
                “The Cool Kids told me to keep this a secret, and so I must!” Steven declared boldly with a comically serious expression, an expression to get screencapped and earn tens thousands of notes on Tumblr and quickly become a meme. “I don’t like keeping secrets, or being shady, though…”  
                Steven sighed as he held up his pipe and started arranging his bowl. He had bought a cool custom Cookie Cat themed pipe off of Etsy. He loved the pipe, and got happy whenever he smoked enough bowls consecutively to start to see Cookie Cat itself….  
                Steven took out his lighter and took a big hit. He held the smoke in for a good ten seconds, and was about to let it out, until suddenly, the warp pad activated!  
                “Oh no!” Steven cried. He quickly threw everything back into his stash box and slammed it shut, pushing it back under the bed.  
                The stunning light from the warp pad faded as Pearl emerged casually.  
                “Oh, hello Steven!” Pearl greeted. “I thought you would have been out in town playing with some of your little friends. What are you doing here?”  
                Steven shrugged as he held the smoke in. He really needed to breathe.  
                “Steven, you look distressed,” Pearl observed, stepping off the warp pad and advancing toward him. “Would you like me to stay back here and watch over you if you’re sick? I only came back to grab something Amethyst left behind. She blamed me for it and Garnet had me go back and get it, even though she was the one to tell Amethyst to grab it in the first place.”  
                Steven shook his head, as it turned red and his eyes began to water. His throat burned a little.  
                “Steven, are you okay?” Pearl asked worriedly, hurrying toward him. “Say something! Can you speak? Can you move anything besides your shoulders and head?”  
                Steven nodded as his water eyes began to leak down onto his cheek.  
                “Yes? To which question?” Pearl inquired, distressed and panicking.  
                Steven held up one finger.  
                “The being okay question or the speaking one?” Pearl asked confusedly.  
                Steven stood up and turned around. He let all the smoke out. There was so much smoke. So much.  
                Pearl stared in shock. She sniffed the air, and her nose wrinkled a little bit. She recognized that smell, she recognized it anywhere…  
                “Steven, are you… are you smoking the marijuana?” Pearl asked calmly and slowly.  
                Steven turned back at Pearl, who looked at him as if he had betrayed her. Her pupils shrunk and she stood in a frail manner.  
                “Pearl, I’m sorry, but I-I…” Steven croaked.  
                “Oh Steven,” Pearl said softly. “I always knew this day would come.”  
                Steven looked down at the ground in shame.  
                “I’m so happy! You’re finally discovering marijuana!” Pearl cheered. “This is great!”  
                “Really, so you aren’t mad at me?” Steven asked in confusion.  
                “Of course not!” Pearl assured him. “Marijuana is wonderful! It’s helped gems and humans alike for countless years! It’s one of the few things that culturally binds us together! Why, without marijuana, this world would be such a worse place than it already is. Marijuana has helped humans for ages, and has saved them from many catastrophes, both global and personal! It’s a truly valuable and wonderful substance, and as such some humans in power try to outlaw it with their corruption.”  
                “Wow, I didn’t know that about weed!” Steven said happily with stars in his eyes.  
                “Weed?” Pearly inquired. “Oh, right, you humans must have different names for it.”  
                “Yeah, but I’ve heard people here also call it marijuana too,” Steven said. “So they have this stuff on Homeworld too?”  
                “Why yes, Steven!” Pearl said enthusiastically. She pulled forward a drawing board and pulled out some chalk. “Back on Homeworld, marijuana was used planted and harvested. Many gems, called Olivine were tasked with the growth of the renowned Homeworld marijuana. Marijuana was used by gems back on Homeworld to help new gems, help distressed gems unwind. Essentially, it was also used as a secondary form of currency, being granted to any gems who show remarkable work.”  
                “Wow! That sounds amazing!” Steven gushed. “So gems can just, grow weed?”  
                “Oh Steven, of course!” Pearl replied. “Even humans can, but as gems we can use special powers to speed up the process!  
                “Wow, so we can make lots of weed!” Steven happily rejoiced.  
                “That’s right! Why, here, let me show you—we can actually use our gem powers to simply multiple the marijuana,” Pearl explained, as she summoned a pipe from her gem and emptied the pot from its bowl. She held it in her hand, and looked down at it as her gem shined brightly. Suddenly, there was twice the amount of kush in her hand.  
                “That’s amazing!” Steven cheered.  
                “It definitely is,” Pearl responded. “But we can only multiply little bits of marijuana at a time, if we do it too much we’ll start to wear out and we might poof and have to regenerate. It takes a lot out of us gem-”  
                “Can I do it too?” Steven disrupted.  
                “Steven, Steven. Hold on there,” Pearl countered. “As gems, marijuana or rather, ‘weed,’ also affects us much faster and more directly than normal humans, for you it should be no different. With our powers, only a few hits gets us stoned off our assets!”  
                “Wow,” Steven responded in awe, “No wonder whenever I smoke with the Cool Kids they have to take so many more hits than me before things start to really kick in!”  
                Pearl hummed. “Ah yes, while humans can still enjoy the luxury of being high, it takes a lot more for them to truly feel the utmost effects.”  
                “Dank kush truly is wonderful,” Steven thought aloud, “…if only there were a way to share it with the entire world. If only I could give everyone the amazing portions they need, then maybe everyone could get along and be happy…”  
                “That’s a truly beautiful image, Steven,” Pearl commented with a smile and a sense of hope in her voice, as she visualized the image in her mind. “It may be possible someday. It’s funny how what almost got this world destroyed is what could also possibly save it.”  
                “Huh?” Steven sputtered.  
                “Oh, there I go running my mouth again,” Pearl mumbled. “Well, you were bound to find out eventually.”  
                Steven looked at Pearl intently.  
                Pearl sighed. “One of the original reasons Homeworld wanted to take over Earth was to turn it into a marijuana farm. Almost every gem on Homeworld wanted that. While your mother, one of the most avid supporters and fans of marijuana on Homeworld did wish for the larger mass production of marijuana, she couldn’t just throw away lives for more pot. She wished to share her love of pot with all lifeforms. She fought to save Earth for justice, peace, and true marijuana equality.”  
                “Mom…” Steven thought aloud. “She truly was amazing.”  
                “Yes she was, Steven,” Pearl said solemnly. She patted Steven’s head and then walked off to the closet and pulled out an odd device.  
                “Are you going back now?” Steven asked.  
                “I am. Have fun, and make sure you’re done smoking by the time Garnet and Amethyst get back, and air out the temple! I want this to be a surprise for them!” Pearl said as she stepped onto the warp pad and departed.  
                “Huh, now that I think about it, Amethyst’s room always did smell like pot,” Steven spoke aloud. “Oh man, just wait until she finds out!”


End file.
